I have news to share with everyone. A crustless quiche is just an omelette. I know it's disappointing to hear, but I feel I saved you the extra disappointment of you making it and expecting the delicious breakfast treat you have come to love, only to find you have indeed made a 40 minute omelette. Why anybody would decide to remove a crust from a quiche in the first place is beyond my understanding…
   Another forewarning: baked donuts are actually muffins with a hole. It's true. You may be wondering how this is possible, and how I know this information. I have baked donuts according to the promises found in the recipe only to be left with poor quality, holy muffins and lots of dishes. Do not despair, it is possible to deep fry muffin and brownie batter to make the most delicious fresh donuts right in your kitchen! Then you can parade them around to all of your fit friends as unassuming muffins (please don't).
   I won't even begin to touch on the weird shaped soy that is supposed to resemble chicken, or the fact that someone decided to call it 'vegan chicken'. This post is about regular everyday foods that have been infiltrated be impostors going around ruining their good name. Boiling water with veggies DOES NOT A SOUP MAKE! Please, at least roast it or puree it, add a spice for the love of soup!
   I'm not against anyone eating these foods, in fact if you decide that you must bring it to the next potluck, I will probably try it. Do you really think you are fooling anyone? I know what ice cream really tastes like, and frozen banana puree is not it. You may believe you are tricking everyone into eating healthier. Let me be clear, no one is fooled, we just think you are a bad cook. There is no need to trick me into anything, I know HOW to eat healthy.
   The same can be said for any 'fruit juice' that is green, 'cheese' made from nuts, or pizza that is made from cauliflower. Just because I serve food items in a lasagna pan does not make it lasagna. I can hear some of you getting upset, thinking "but Jenny, green fruit juice is tasty, and cauliflower pizza is good" and maybe it is, but can't we agree to call it what it is? At the very least  can we make a new and enticing name for these new and un-improved foods. Perhaps pizza topping cauliflower, or VEGETABLE juice.
   Being gluten free, I have been guilty. I have served some questionable food stuffs in my quest for edible gluten free fare and for this I owe some people an apology. I try to be upfront about it, it's only fair, even though I know you are dissecting the flavour and texture in a way which you would not, had it not been gluten free. I understand. My hope is that we can all be better than a food trickster, a peddler of false hopes. Maybe we can turn a corner, be more honest and accept the feedback. After all, there is a reason you feel you have to lie by attaching false titles, and I think it's because you already suspect that we won't like it. If that's the case, why serve it?

   It has happened, we are over the hump. The days are getting longer and brighter, if only just slightly, minute by minute. I have been human hibernating (which I'm pretty certain is a real thing) and recovering from the frenzy of the holidays.  Something is feeling different, the new year is foretold to be lucky, as declared by me. Or maybe it's just the new glasses...
 
   Somehow all I feel like doing is dying. (Where did your mind go just there?) I dyed my hair, some wool, the bathtub…
   Snow dying is a great way to tell winter thanks. I will put up with all this shovelling if the result is endless pristine snow with which to dye, and this great colour!

If you would like to give it a go, all you do is soak some natural fabric in vinegar, scrunch is up on a screen like so.

    Then we add the snow. The effect will differ if you use crunchy snow or fluffy, if you pack it or decide to use ice.

   Adding dye is the fun part. I used dry powder and sprinkled it. If you decide to change it up and use liquid the effect will be different still.

   The hardest part is waiting patiently for the snow to melt. When it has melted, I let it sit all day to be sure my dyes saturate in spots. Then rinse in water until the water runs clear, wring out excess, then iron it.






Then you get this! I was worried, the colours looked all muddled before unfolding and then Bam! Now what to do with it. All my Hooker (rug hooker) friends swear I can never cut it up. We'll see about that!

   Twelve dozen cookies, eleven jars of jam, ten trips to the grocery, nine bottles of wine, eight potluck dishes, seven loaves of bread, six days cleaning, five broken cups, four trips to the mall, three parcels mailed, two favours delivered and one uncomfortable phone call.
 
   The Holidays are crazy. You may have noticed my poem does not include any blog posts. As I was writing, I realized that my little song only encompasses about half of what I have been up to, and there are still four more days to go!
   I couple of years ago, I decided to only give gifts that I know they will love. That does pose a few problems, as it turns out I don't know everyone on my list well enough to make that happen! Also, the bank account doesn't always support that theory, so I added an amendment. I will only give a gift I know they will love, or one that I am excited to give. This means I hand make most of the gifts I give, so I really do start in July. By the time December rolls around, most of my gifts are done! This method of operation means that December should be free of the crazy frenzy, leaving time to enjoy the holidays.

   Lets just be clear. This theory of mine is not
foolproof. The reality of the situation is that I bake more cookies, I host spontaneous dinners, I make it to almost everyones weird event, I end up doing strange favours, I'm always adding people to the gift list...the point being: I am not less busy. I am just as deranged as the rest of you, scrambling around doing the Christmas do.

   The upside if this hair brained scheme is that this year I watched "Frozen" over and over again, along with every other Christmas movie. Also, there were no twelve hour baking frenzies, preparing twenty dozen boxed up holiday treats, icing and sprinkle mixing in a pool of tears making a new type of Christmas cement. I have had the time to fix the leaky hot tub, mount the TV's on the wall, and buy new glasses. I have attended a choir, in a church. I have purchased a classic toboggan just for fun-sies. My wrapping skills have excelled, I have taken some pictures, and made decorations. I went for a ride on a real sleigh, with jingle bell horses.

I have added new traditions and recipes. Made a new cocktail: Colada-rita (Margarita with coconut cream). I had time to sell at a craft sale! I watched the cat 'Stan' sleep, so cute. I have had time to spend the morning in bed watching the fireplace channel and most importantly, everyone in this house is healthy. No Christmas colds or flu here. The most enjoyable part of all of this is going to West Edmonton Mall right before Christmas, grabbing a hot chocolate and watching the chaos unfold around you, knowing you will not be trudging through the stores, your sweaty body laden with bags digging into your tired limbs.

   If you are considering this way of life, it is worth it. People will think you are crazy making Christmas crafts in July, and some will be less than thrilled with your hand-made offerings (they can't all be winners). All of that won't matter if you are excited to just give.


   

   Oh no. Oh no oh no. Home made 'Bailey's' changed my life.
   Oh Bailey's. My once favourite holiday drink, banished from this house along with all other grain alcohol. The story was a sad one, Christmases enjoyed with lowly egg-nog, until today. I was perusing my favourite site, Pinterest, and happened upon a recipe when I had a moment of realization; I could make it with Rum!
   So I did! I find making it with Rum sets mine apart from all others, thus deserving of it's own name. I was thinking Crowthers Canadian Rum?
   This stuff is so good I wonder why I ever paid good money for it in the first place! Firstly, you can make it with more alcohol if you desire. Secondly, it tastes like melted ice cream, far superior to the brand name. And finally, making it yourself means you get to drink more of it because it's more affordable!

   Don't try this. It's delicious, irresistible even.

Recipe as follows.

1 cup of whipping cream (not whipped)
1 can of sweetened condensed milk
3 tbsp of melted chocolate
1tbsp good vanilla extract
1/2 tsp good instant coffee
1 3/4 cup of white rum (you can add more if you want, silly.)

Blend well with immersion blender. I did heat everything except the rum just slightly to ensure the melted chocolate and coffee powder incorporated well. (I added the rum later so as not to affect the alcohol content.)

   Sometimes I feel as though life is just made up of many confusing codes meant to make me feel better at first, but once deciphered are really just designed to let me know how people really feel about me.

   Like the moment when someone gives you a big hug and smile upon meeting up with you, (an hour late) telling you all about how it has been too long since the last visit, while they proceed to incessantly check their phone and fill you in on what other people are doing...on Facebook.
 
   Possibly you have also experienced the bait and switch, wherein you have been invited to a splendid afternoon of fun and games, while upon arrival, you realize what they really meant. They really wanted to invite you over so you can watch their crappy T.V. program while they check their phone for something better to do.

   Since when has it been ok to plan a time to meet someone, only to call 15 minutes past that time to reschedule, and do The Same Thing an hour later!

   Some of you out there must have had this moment; someone asks you what you have been up to lately, you begin to go through your mental files and deliver your most excited recounting of this weeks adventures, when you realize the original question was meant as a "Hey-how-are-ya?". I always feel so silly, I really thought they wanted to know…

   Some people say they love you so much. So much they can't bring themselves to talk to you.

   Have you ever been cuddling, watching a movie with a loved one, when you hear a giggle, a snort, buttons tapping. You look over, encountering the blank look of a glowing face in the dark, hiding behind a tiny screen.

   I have been invited to dinner, only to have the host change the venue without letting me know. I drove half an hour to a different town for a dinner that was happening down the street from my house. Needless to say, we were late.

   I get it, people are busy, plans change. I only want to know, is it me? Am I the only one who feels this code is perplexing? Does easily accessible technology give everyone the right to abandon simple courtesy and manners? Is it the people I am choosing to have in my life?

   I miss just watching the hockey game with Grandma, eventually one of us thought of something to talk about, even if it wasn't groundbreaking. I miss the days when I could call someone, make a date, meet at the agreed upon time, and enjoy someones simple company. All the funniest things happen when I'm just wasting time with somebody special.
 
  I guess not so much has changed, except now the only special person I seem to be able to waste time with is myself.
   I think I may bring along some paper and glue, sparkles and pom-poms wherever I go. That way when everyone is "busy" on their phone, I will enjoy myself!

   Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. My honorary Grandpa always listens (even if he doesn't always hear), and is always up for a cup of tea if he's not feeling like a glass of wine. My pets always give me all of their undivided attention and I'm sure they could write a whole blog of their own feelings of being ignored. Paint is so patient, my sewing machine is always there for me, strangers read this blog (thank you), my grocery clerk seems really genuine, and the ladies at rug hooking have always made me feel like I really am interesting and talented. My sister believes in me and takes the time to call almost everyday, even though she is the busiest person I know. My Mister commits to painting decorations and making Christmas cards with me, I am aware how much he would rather be doing almost anything else.   I would also like to thank the stranger in the grocery store who wanted me to know about the shorter line I could be taking advantage of. Thank you.

   The life of a hooker. As it turns out, I happen to be one of the slowest hookers around. If you thought we didn't keep track, well the truth is, we do. I didn't set out to be like this, it just happened. Before I realized it, I had been working on the same one for nearly three years!

   Maybe now is a good time to clear up any misconceptions; I'm talking about rugs and it's way smaller than you imagine (I'm sure). I enjoy how they start to take on a life of their own. Anything it was in the beginning, it has metamorphosed into it's peculiar character.
   I thought maybe six months, boy was I wrong. I should have listened to all the ladies at rug hooking when they told me not to use such fine yarn, and I didn't listen. My frugal brain was on one track to free materials, and so it was that this rug was made with mostly yarn, and a lot of acrylic. (Gasp!) The Edmonton Traditional Rug Hookers Guild ( http://www.edmontontraditionalrughookersguild.com ) just love wool and cannot comprehend why I would choose lesser materials. "Because it's Free!" I would exclaim.
   I now know the error of my ways, as it takes forever to hook a rug with tiny threads, even if they are free. I have learned valuable technique in fine detail as well as the importance of persistence. I think it wise to choose a tiny hot matt for my next project, with a wide cut wool.  Maybe then I could finish in one year!

   Yesterday, at the monthly Hookers meeting, I finally was able to stand in front of the group and show my nearly finished piece! (Finished enough, just need to complete the hot pink edge.) It felt really good to have the support of so many great people, very much the reason I keep going back.

   Now I'm free! Free to start a new project without the guilt of UFO's (un finished objects) haunting me.
 

   How cold is it? It's -36C with the wind this morning. If it seems like all I talk about is the weather, it's because I am currently trapped in my house and there is not so much to talk about. Not in the literal sense that I cannot open my door, (although that is almost true) more so trapped by the will to survive. We had so much snow yesterday and it is so cold that to go to the store may require a lot of digging, possibly being stuck, the high probability of a traffic collision, or being stranded in a car at frigid temperatures. Yesterday I had to shovel the snow just so I could close the door, it was trying to invade my house! This morning Francis had to go rescue the Chihuahua from the yard as he attempted to poo. The crying like a small child as he scurried through the door and ran to his warm bed made me laugh. That's the dog I'm speaking of, not Francis.

   We remain optimistic because we have to, we know that it could get colder still. So why do I stay? Why don't I choose a warmer part of Canada? After all it is a big country. I feel as though this picture will speak for itself.

 










 It was a very cold experience to get this shot, even with snow pants and long johns (and hat, mitts, scarf, sweater, coat, you get the idea). When the flakes are flying, who can resist? I wish you could all know the difficulty in capturing these images. I fear you could never really know until you are sitting in a pile of snow with your camera and cheeks literally freezing, slowly turning into blocks of ice. My Shih-tzu whom I lovingly refer to as the Snow Beast, found it hilarious to sneeze on my subjects, sending them back into the storm from which they came.
I can hear every relative who ever moved away telling me it's not worth it. All I can say is that I have no choice, I feel the calling, I dream about crystallizing water droplets, I cannot stop.