I have news to share with everyone. A crustless quiche is just an omelette. I know it's disappointing to hear, but I feel I saved you the extra disappointment of you making it and expecting the delicious breakfast treat you have come to love, only to find you have indeed made a 40 minute omelette. Why anybody would decide to remove a crust from a quiche in the first place is beyond my understanding…
   Another forewarning: baked donuts are actually muffins with a hole. It's true. You may be wondering how this is possible, and how I know this information. I have baked donuts according to the promises found in the recipe only to be left with poor quality, holy muffins and lots of dishes. Do not despair, it is possible to deep fry muffin and brownie batter to make the most delicious fresh donuts right in your kitchen! Then you can parade them around to all of your fit friends as unassuming muffins (please don't).
   I won't even begin to touch on the weird shaped soy that is supposed to resemble chicken, or the fact that someone decided to call it 'vegan chicken'. This post is about regular everyday foods that have been infiltrated be impostors going around ruining their good name. Boiling water with veggies DOES NOT A SOUP MAKE! Please, at least roast it or puree it, add a spice for the love of soup!
   I'm not against anyone eating these foods, in fact if you decide that you must bring it to the next potluck, I will probably try it. Do you really think you are fooling anyone? I know what ice cream really tastes like, and frozen banana puree is not it. You may believe you are tricking everyone into eating healthier. Let me be clear, no one is fooled, we just think you are a bad cook. There is no need to trick me into anything, I know HOW to eat healthy.
   The same can be said for any 'fruit juice' that is green, 'cheese' made from nuts, or pizza that is made from cauliflower. Just because I serve food items in a lasagna pan does not make it lasagna. I can hear some of you getting upset, thinking "but Jenny, green fruit juice is tasty, and cauliflower pizza is good" and maybe it is, but can't we agree to call it what it is? At the very least  can we make a new and enticing name for these new and un-improved foods. Perhaps pizza topping cauliflower, or VEGETABLE juice.
   Being gluten free, I have been guilty. I have served some questionable food stuffs in my quest for edible gluten free fare and for this I owe some people an apology. I try to be upfront about it, it's only fair, even though I know you are dissecting the flavour and texture in a way which you would not, had it not been gluten free. I understand. My hope is that we can all be better than a food trickster, a peddler of false hopes. Maybe we can turn a corner, be more honest and accept the feedback. After all, there is a reason you feel you have to lie by attaching false titles, and I think it's because you already suspect that we won't like it. If that's the case, why serve it?